Back to Reality

I don't even know how to start a blog post anymore. I haven't blogged in months and where do you begin when so much has changed. Yes, my life has changed a lot, but mostly I'm talking about this whole blogger interface. I imagine this is what it's like to wake up from a coma and learn that there's something called the internet and phones are now mini assistants that we can't live without. 

I thought about just giving up on this blog because most of our house renovations are complete, albeit I forgot to blog about the majority of them. But, I've had requests from some dear friends to post more so they don't have to actually ask me what's going on in my life. Just kidding guys, I love all 4 of you. I refrained from obsessively blogging over the last year because I didn't want to subject my few but loyal followers to nonstop wedding updates. Because, really, I'd like to admit there was more going on in my life than planning a wedding in the last year, but honestly those things are freaking time sucking leeches. I know it's probably not best to describe the happiest day of your life as a leech, but let's just say I plan to have a lot more time to myself and a lot more money not that the wedding is behind us. Although, an amazing day it was.

Now, more about the wedding. I feel it's not right to go over the details and give you a play by play without having pictures to actually prove that we did get married. So, I will save most of the wedding for another time, but I will mention that it was awesome. Everything looked better than I hoped for, people danced till they could no longer move (this is mostly because of the copious amounts of alcohol they drank), the food was delish and all of it was nontraditional and so perfectly *us*. 

After the wedding, we headed off to Bali for a week and then spent 4 days exploring Hong Kong. It was an amazing honeymoon, again, there will be pictures to prove that we weren't just hiding out in our house updating our facebook statuses to "married" and eating leftover wedding pie. Spoiler alert: we had pie, not cake at our wedding. But until then, I will give you some highlights and advice from our trip:

*$6 massages. Let me clarify, one hour massages that cost $6 and will seriously leave you wondering why you ever plan on leaving the island. These massages are reason enough to visit Bali. 

*Monkeys. Watch out. These little shits do not respect your personal space. One minute you're all, "oh honey look, there's a monkey in the tree!" and the next you're like. "holy shit. This monkey just went through my purse, stole all my credit cards and bought 100 lbs of bananas without even asking if my bank charges an international currency fee." They're rude, you guys. And they're not afraid to hiss and smack you if you don't give them what they want, which is usually bananas and anything shiny that you may be wearing. 

*Cups of water in Hong Kong. On our first day in Hong Kong we ate at a noodle house and were surprised when our server delivered a cup of water. I had never been in a foreign country where they give you water without ordering it, so at first I was all, "hell yeah, free water." Then, I took a big gulp and realized it was hot water. It wasn't even the luke warm water that you can get by with drinking, but it's not perfectly refreshing either. We're talking straight up boiling water so hot that your teabag wouldn't even want to sit in it. After wondering if I was supposed to bring my own teabag for this water, I looked around to notice that the cups of water were provided to clean off your chopsticks. So, not only did I burn the roof of my mouth off, I was exposing it to all sorts of Chinese germs because I didn't properly sanitize my chopsticks before shoving the noodles in my silly little American mouth. Learn from my mistakes, people. 

*Shopping in Hong Kong. There are so many malls in Hong Kong that even Sarah Jessica Parker would be intimidated. I was too overwhelmed the first three days in Hong Kong to actually buy anything. I would just look in amazement and ride the escalators up and up until I just felt like they were being ridiculous for having 18 floors in a shopping mall. Then, I would walk two blocks and do the same thing over again in the next mall.

* Toilet paper. It's not mandatory to have toilet paper available in public bathrooms, so you have to bring your own. Same goes for napkins in local, non-touristy restaurants. They might give you a cup of boiling water, but it's your responsibility to bring your own damn napkin.

*When ordering a bubble tea, don't get the panna cotta cornflake chocolate milk tea. Any sensible person would realize this is just way too much stuff to suck up through a straw, but boyfriend (I will eventually stop calling him that since he's now my husband, but It's not as easy as it sounds) felt like it was a smart choice and spent three days regretting that decision. 

*Durian fruit, according to boyfriend, it smells as if a banana farted. In his defense, this is a pretty accurate description. And that description alone is why you should not eat it. After questioning our guide over and over about this fruit, he was nice enough to flag a motorist down who was on his way to sell the fruit to the local markets. He explained that buying the fruit before it was sold to the markets made it a lot cheaper and we were lucky. What he didn't explain is that it meant the fruit had been basking in the sun, so it would smell and taste like a hot banana fart. 

I'll leave you with that, a hot banana fart. 


iheartkiwi said...

I want to see wedding photos! And I am DYING to go to Bali someday. So I think we need to see some honeymoon photos too :)

And that is the most appropriate Durian description I have ever heard! They don't even allow it inside hotels in Malaysia it smells so bad :)

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